An Un-Camino Camino Experience

I have traveled extensively by myself, both domestically and internationally, since I was 15 years old.  I do my research, learn what I need to know to be safe and then, I go.   I'm not the most energetic tourist there is; I go see what I want to see, but also enjoy just having quiet time in the foreign setting.

Nothing in my previous travel experiences could have prepared me for my reaction to being in Spain.

Nothing.

Although things fell into place quite nicely, if you look at it that way, the one thing that went awry caused me to spiral into a vortex that I seemed emotionally unable to break free of.

I arrived in Spain on October 18th, although I spent all of that day traveling.   I was really tired.
By October 20th, I was ready to come home.

Truly?  A trip that I have planned, researched and worked to pull together for over a year and after just one day there and I'm ready to throw in the towel and go home?

Yep.

I didn't throw in the towel....but I felt very lonely, very alone, very anxious, and horribly homesick.

In retrospect, I realize that in my previous international travels I had one of two things, neither of which I had on this trip.   A guide or a car of my own.

Not having either of these didn't work well for me.   I felt rudderless, powerless, confused and anxious.  
I enjoyed the sightseeing I did but I wasn't there to be a tourist; I was there to walk.  The longer I was unable to walk (initially because of not having my debit card and later, because it rained so hard for so many days) the worse I felt.   It was like I was swirling in a vortex and didn't have the strength to get out.

Each day, I would make plans to go to Sarria or to Finisterre or to Lugo...or anywhere and at least walk some of the Camino.  Each evening, I would be so beat down, I just didn't know what to do.

It took nine days before I was able to sleep regular hours.  The food I was eating was largely carbohydrates (bocadillas) so, in addition to not getting nearly enough sleep, I'm sure my blood sugar was out of whack, as well.

Coming home a week early worked best for me.   The Camino has been there for hundreds or thousands of years.  That it didn't work for me this time doesn't meant that at some point, it won't happen.  I will let that day play out as it should.

At this point, I have no desire to return to Spain.  I thought the magic was there.  For some people, it is.

For me, it was not.