I have traveled extensively by myself, both domestically and internationally, since I was 15 years old. I do my research, learn what I need to know to be safe and then, I go. I'm not the most energetic tourist there is; I go see what I want to see, but also enjoy just having quiet time in the foreign setting.
Nothing in my previous travel experiences could have prepared me for my reaction to being in Spain.
Nothing.
Although things fell into place quite nicely, if you look at it that way, the one thing that went awry caused me to spiral into a vortex that I seemed emotionally unable to break free of.
I arrived in Spain on October 18th, although I spent all of that day traveling. I was really tired.
By October 20th, I was ready to come home.
Truly? A trip that I have planned, researched and worked to pull together for over a year and after just one day there and I'm ready to throw in the towel and go home?
Yep.
I didn't throw in the towel....but I felt very lonely, very alone, very anxious, and horribly homesick.
In retrospect, I realize that in my previous international travels I had one of two things, neither of which I had on this trip. A guide or a car of my own.
Not having either of these didn't work well for me. I felt rudderless, powerless, confused and anxious.
I enjoyed the sightseeing I did but I wasn't there to be a tourist; I was there to walk. The longer I was unable to walk (initially because of not having my debit card and later, because it rained so hard for so many days) the worse I felt. It was like I was swirling in a vortex and didn't have the strength to get out.
Each day, I would make plans to go to Sarria or to Finisterre or to Lugo...or anywhere and at least walk some of the Camino. Each evening, I would be so beat down, I just didn't know what to do.
It took nine days before I was able to sleep regular hours. The food I was eating was largely carbohydrates (bocadillas) so, in addition to not getting nearly enough sleep, I'm sure my blood sugar was out of whack, as well.
Coming home a week early worked best for me. The Camino has been there for hundreds or thousands of years. That it didn't work for me this time doesn't meant that at some point, it won't happen. I will let that day play out as it should.
At this point, I have no desire to return to Spain. I thought the magic was there. For some people, it is.
For me, it was not.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Domingo 20 Octubre 2013
I'm sitting in a bus station in Burgos. Not so surprising. Pilgrims take buses all the time. But the bus I'm taking isn't going where I originally thought it would take me. No.
Why not?
I am a very careful person. I don't have anyone to protect me and really never have. So, I am SO careful with my belongings, my money, my purse, my keys, my phone.
But, sometimes when we are tired, we do things that greatly affect how our life path is going to go. And, what I did yesterday morning has changed my plans considerably.
When stuffing unnecessary things into my duffle so I could take it to the post office and mail it forward to myself to pick up when I arrive in Santiago, I put my fanny pack in it, since I'm not comfy wearing it. I
pulled the stuff out of the credit card slots, failing to remember that only nonessential stuff was in those slots. My credit card and debit card were in a zippered slot.
So my credit and debit cards got mailed to Santiago with my duffle bag. I didn't realize it until about an hour later. I went back to the oficina de correos to see if I could retrieve my box, but they closed at 1pm.
I was beside myself with worry for awhile. Now I just accept that it is what it is. I toured the Burgos cathedral but am unsure if I saw El Cid. I think I did but there were a lot of tombs there. It was beautiful and huge, ornate and gilded. I loved the cloisters.
I didn't linger in the art show display. I was wearing clogs and was ready to go back to my hotel. I was going to take a city tour on the train but it was too late when I got out of the cathedral. I didn't think it would take so long but I was probably on there an hour and a half. Went back to my room and stayed there.
So, as you can see, I lost my train of though and rambled off my topic. I figured I had two choices. Take the night train to Sarria as I'd planned and take my chances walking and having my money last. Or take the bus to Santiago and retrieve my box with my credit & debit cards so I don't have to worry.
My choice: go to Santiago and wait for them to arrive. I've emailed Badalada to tell them my box is coming. I've also emailed them to tell them I am coming today. No response. At least, none that has come through.
I took it easy this morning. Took a sleeping poll at 11pm last night, fell asleep immediately, and got up at 9am. So 9+ hours sleep last night and 12+ the night before. By the time I start my Camino, I should be rested.
The upside to going to Santiago today is this: I'm certain my pack is too heavy. I'm going to ditch my clothes since I've yet to be cold and also my iPhone. It is heavy and my iPod is fine. Perhaps not enough room for photos but who gives a hoot.
My bus leaves at 13:15, about 45 minutes from now. 8 hour trip. I have no reservations in Santiago and don't know if Badalada will let me in. I tell myself 'don't worry, God will provide.' And God will. God got me into this, God will get me through it.
Just strapping on my backpack and walking from the hotel to the estacion de autobus made me feel better. Being proactive instead of victimized.
I'm not a victim. I'm Peregrina Juliana.
(I wrote this and it's been in my folder. I still agree I am not a victim...but being in Spain did not work for me. So, I'm not peregrina Juliana...I'm just a tourist who wound up not really enjoying the destination)
Why not?
I am a very careful person. I don't have anyone to protect me and really never have. So, I am SO careful with my belongings, my money, my purse, my keys, my phone.
But, sometimes when we are tired, we do things that greatly affect how our life path is going to go. And, what I did yesterday morning has changed my plans considerably.
When stuffing unnecessary things into my duffle so I could take it to the post office and mail it forward to myself to pick up when I arrive in Santiago, I put my fanny pack in it, since I'm not comfy wearing it. I
pulled the stuff out of the credit card slots, failing to remember that only nonessential stuff was in those slots. My credit card and debit card were in a zippered slot.
So my credit and debit cards got mailed to Santiago with my duffle bag. I didn't realize it until about an hour later. I went back to the oficina de correos to see if I could retrieve my box, but they closed at 1pm.
I was beside myself with worry for awhile. Now I just accept that it is what it is. I toured the Burgos cathedral but am unsure if I saw El Cid. I think I did but there were a lot of tombs there. It was beautiful and huge, ornate and gilded. I loved the cloisters.
I didn't linger in the art show display. I was wearing clogs and was ready to go back to my hotel. I was going to take a city tour on the train but it was too late when I got out of the cathedral. I didn't think it would take so long but I was probably on there an hour and a half. Went back to my room and stayed there.
So, as you can see, I lost my train of though and rambled off my topic. I figured I had two choices. Take the night train to Sarria as I'd planned and take my chances walking and having my money last. Or take the bus to Santiago and retrieve my box with my credit & debit cards so I don't have to worry.
My choice: go to Santiago and wait for them to arrive. I've emailed Badalada to tell them my box is coming. I've also emailed them to tell them I am coming today. No response. At least, none that has come through.
I took it easy this morning. Took a sleeping poll at 11pm last night, fell asleep immediately, and got up at 9am. So 9+ hours sleep last night and 12+ the night before. By the time I start my Camino, I should be rested.
The upside to going to Santiago today is this: I'm certain my pack is too heavy. I'm going to ditch my clothes since I've yet to be cold and also my iPhone. It is heavy and my iPod is fine. Perhaps not enough room for photos but who gives a hoot.
My bus leaves at 13:15, about 45 minutes from now. 8 hour trip. I have no reservations in Santiago and don't know if Badalada will let me in. I tell myself 'don't worry, God will provide.' And God will. God got me into this, God will get me through it.
Just strapping on my backpack and walking from the hotel to the estacion de autobus made me feel better. Being proactive instead of victimized.
I'm not a victim. I'm Peregrina Juliana.
(I wrote this and it's been in my folder. I still agree I am not a victim...but being in Spain did not work for me. So, I'm not peregrina Juliana...I'm just a tourist who wound up not really enjoying the destination)
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Changes
As the time to travel to Spain draws near, some of my original plans have changed.
I was initially going to start walking on Oct. 1, 2013, which would have been my Mom's 80th birthday.
In trying to make my dreams and reality segue as smoothly as possibly, I realized I needed to push my trip off until after Oct. 15th. People on tax extension have until October 15th to file. I'm a self-employed tax lady and need to be here to serve my clients.
My initial plan was to start my walk in Roncesvalles, Spain. I now plan to start in Sarria. People start at various places along the Camino Frances. Where people start depends on how much time they have to spend walking. I had planned to be gone for 7 weeks but as spring moved into to summer and September was drawing close, I knew that I couldn't stay gone for 7 weeks. I don't even want to.
I have a business that needs me almost daily. I have a greyhound who loves our morning walks. So, between these two, I decided that 3 weeks was long enough. Honestly, being gone from my Gallagher dog for even three weeks just sounds awful! Once I begin, though, it will be fine.
When arriving at the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, if you have walked at least the last 100km (68 miles) from Sarria to Santiago, you will receive a compostela signifying your achievement.
Even at the slow pace that I intend to walk, I should be able to walk from Sarria to Santiago in a week. It will be leisurely, enjoyable and liberating. The weather should be glorious and the crowds thinned down. I expect at least 50% of my time to be spent walking in rain. I have bought good rain gear.
One final change to my itinerary: My Mom's ashes were to travel with me in a special necklace designed to carry the ashes of a loved one. Since purchasing that necklace, my Dad has also passed away. So, the ashes of both my Mom and my Dad will be around my neck in a new necklace that I bought and had engraved. Together, we will make this journey of discovery.
It will be a special time, indeed.
I was initially going to start walking on Oct. 1, 2013, which would have been my Mom's 80th birthday.
In trying to make my dreams and reality segue as smoothly as possibly, I realized I needed to push my trip off until after Oct. 15th. People on tax extension have until October 15th to file. I'm a self-employed tax lady and need to be here to serve my clients.
My initial plan was to start my walk in Roncesvalles, Spain. I now plan to start in Sarria. People start at various places along the Camino Frances. Where people start depends on how much time they have to spend walking. I had planned to be gone for 7 weeks but as spring moved into to summer and September was drawing close, I knew that I couldn't stay gone for 7 weeks. I don't even want to.
I have a business that needs me almost daily. I have a greyhound who loves our morning walks. So, between these two, I decided that 3 weeks was long enough. Honestly, being gone from my Gallagher dog for even three weeks just sounds awful! Once I begin, though, it will be fine.
When arriving at the cathedral in Santiago de Compostela, if you have walked at least the last 100km (68 miles) from Sarria to Santiago, you will receive a compostela signifying your achievement.
Even at the slow pace that I intend to walk, I should be able to walk from Sarria to Santiago in a week. It will be leisurely, enjoyable and liberating. The weather should be glorious and the crowds thinned down. I expect at least 50% of my time to be spent walking in rain. I have bought good rain gear.
One final change to my itinerary: My Mom's ashes were to travel with me in a special necklace designed to carry the ashes of a loved one. Since purchasing that necklace, my Dad has also passed away. So, the ashes of both my Mom and my Dad will be around my neck in a new necklace that I bought and had engraved. Together, we will make this journey of discovery.
It will be a special time, indeed.
Walking To My Own Drummer
It's easy to get caught up in the feelings, opinions and experiences of others when stepping into something new. This has been very true for me as I plan my trip to Spain.
When I first decided to go to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago, I had every intention of walking as much of the 800km as I could. As I did more research, chatted with other pilgrims online and searched my own soul, I realized it was not a realistic goal for me.
But, realizing it and changing my plans were two different things altogether.
Why?
Because of postings that I read on Camino forums where 'tourist pilgrims' are bashed and ridiculed.
There are some who have walked the entire Camino Frances, and to them, anyone doing anything else is a sham. They are vocal in expressing their disdain for tourist pilgrims.
For a non-athlete like me, someone who just wants time alone to walk, to think and to be one with God, this kind of unnecessary judgmentalism was disconcerting. It took months for me to realize that I answer to no one. If my Camino experience doesn't mirror that of the best of them, so what?
My plan now is to have no plans. I'm going to Spain on October 17th and returning home on November 7th. What happens between those two dates is up in the air. I will walk, I will reflect, I will enjoy life but most of all, I will spend time writing.
You see, the walking is secondary. What happens when I walk is that my soul is open to Spirit.
My goal is to be whole, to seek truth and to put words on paper. And, to do that, I need to be unburdened from society, from demands and from routine. Finding myself while losing myself.
How that will unfold is still unknown. As a tourist pilgrim, I will find my own way.
When I first decided to go to Spain to walk the Camino de Santiago, I had every intention of walking as much of the 800km as I could. As I did more research, chatted with other pilgrims online and searched my own soul, I realized it was not a realistic goal for me.
But, realizing it and changing my plans were two different things altogether.
Why?
Because of postings that I read on Camino forums where 'tourist pilgrims' are bashed and ridiculed.
There are some who have walked the entire Camino Frances, and to them, anyone doing anything else is a sham. They are vocal in expressing their disdain for tourist pilgrims.
For a non-athlete like me, someone who just wants time alone to walk, to think and to be one with God, this kind of unnecessary judgmentalism was disconcerting. It took months for me to realize that I answer to no one. If my Camino experience doesn't mirror that of the best of them, so what?
My plan now is to have no plans. I'm going to Spain on October 17th and returning home on November 7th. What happens between those two dates is up in the air. I will walk, I will reflect, I will enjoy life but most of all, I will spend time writing.
You see, the walking is secondary. What happens when I walk is that my soul is open to Spirit.
My goal is to be whole, to seek truth and to put words on paper. And, to do that, I need to be unburdened from society, from demands and from routine. Finding myself while losing myself.
How that will unfold is still unknown. As a tourist pilgrim, I will find my own way.
Sunday, September 1, 2013
Walk
Lately on the Facebook APOC forum, we've been discussing being Snail Pilgrims. We're going to walk our own pace and not worry about how far we go. Stop and smell the roses.
Conquering My Fears....And There Are Plenty To Conquer!
Planning a walk on the Camino is overwhelming. There is so much to learn, so much I need to know, and so much that I need to figure out. Things like:
- Can my body handle five weeks of walking?
- How can I survive with only the few things I'll be carrying in my backpack?
- Where will I sleep?
- I don't speak Spanish.
- Can I really be gone from home for five or six weeks?
- What if I get lost?
- What if I get hurt?
- What if something happens at home?
Of all of these questions and fears, only the first two continue to be question marks in my mind.
I don't know if my body can handle it. From what I know of my body, it will be very difficult. Being on my feet for a few hours has ill effects on my lower back and sciatica. This is my greatest concern.
I tend to overpack wherever I go, so to limit myself to 10 pounds of stuff will be a challenge, but I know I must. I will trust that what I need will be provided.
- Can my body handle five weeks of walking?
- How can I survive with only the few things I'll be carrying in my backpack?
- Where will I sleep?
- I don't speak Spanish.
- Can I really be gone from home for five or six weeks?
- What if I get lost?
- What if I get hurt?
- What if something happens at home?
Of all of these questions and fears, only the first two continue to be question marks in my mind.
I don't know if my body can handle it. From what I know of my body, it will be very difficult. Being on my feet for a few hours has ill effects on my lower back and sciatica. This is my greatest concern.
I tend to overpack wherever I go, so to limit myself to 10 pounds of stuff will be a challenge, but I know I must. I will trust that what I need will be provided.
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